As I approach Baby Zen’s two year birthday this week I am reminded of how anxious, nervous, and unsure I was. I was worried and yet hopeful that this delivery would have a better outcome than the last. 23 months prior I delivered my stillborn son, and I couldn’t shake the uncertainty of life ever since.
As the contractions started I heard these words:
I am a Gatekeeper.
I am the one who will hold your hand as you become a mother.
I will talk you off the ledge.
I will talk you into what is safest for your baby.
I will remind you that you don’t need to be anxious; there is Something bigger out there watching over you.
I will call your doctor for you and advocate for your needs and wishes and expectations.
I will let you lean on me while you are preparing for delivery.
I will let you share your sadness, anger, and frustration.
I will prepare for the worst and yet hope for the best.
I will be ready to remind you to take your son’s first photo.
I will call for help if needed.
I will feel your pain, trust me I do.
I will listen to my inner voice when it guides me into action.
And I will never apologize for using swift action to bring about breath into a new life.
I ache with compassion as you held your baby for the last time, and I will smile with you as hold your wiggly, healthy one.
We will work together to bring into the world the most reassuring, life affirming miracle that your little family always dreamed of.
And 6 hours after the contractions started, our miracle arrived with the best cry I’ve ever heard.
And we become whole. New. Amazed. Trusting. Faith-filled. Grateful.