Coming back to myself…

Two weeks ago:

I couldn’t stop crying. Exhausted, broken, sad, and feeling hopeless.

My sweet toddler was getting us up frequently through the night only to have a 12 hour shift in the NICU to follow.

There’s only so much that coffee will do to help that kind of exhaustion.

Work is very stressful and crazy. The hours are ungodly. SO MANY HOURS.

I was feeling isolated and lost in my own tired world. I was seeing everything with bleary eyes, a sad heart, and wishing life was so very different than it is.

Then, I called for help.

And I’m not talking about just asking the angels to help.

I called my doctor and got on Celexa.

It was time.

I’ve braved this new job for nearly 5 months, working ALL THE HOURS. And my brain chemistries are off. They needed some help. And the vitamins, yoga, exercise, prayer, and wine wasn’t cutting it.


I feel much better. I know it’s mostly a placebo effect, but I’m one for HOPE. And when I have hope again, I can climb mountains.

I’m not weepy.

I have gotten a little more sleep.

And I even called in sick for a day and took care of me.

I took a nap.

I’m finding my gratitude instead of attitude.

I sat on the floor with my boys and cut out construction paper leaves, writing everything we could think of that we were thankful for on them.

It’s so sweet to see what my 7 year old thinks of! And trying to explain to my almost 3 year old what it means to be thankful.

But I’m coming back…I’m getting there…slowly but surely…I’ll be damned if this job ruins me.

This is me giving the middle finger to the stress in my life.


Our thankfulness leaves hanging from the chandelier!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Alexandra
    Nov 26, 2012 @ 21:49:42

    I hope now you feel even better. I love the thankfulness leaves! I will do that next year for sure! You got this, you surely do 🙂


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